Divorce in XXI

In the old years a "divorce" was considered something bad in the eyes of the community, although in many countries the divorce is still forbidden.

But, which are the tabus about being a divorced parent? Many people think that because of this, the child will not develop in a proper way cause of the "trauma". The real trauma is not the "divorce" it self, but the path that the couple took in order reach that point. The arguments, offensive language one to another, the constant secrets to the kids and many other factors.

Parents shouldn't underestimate their kids, they are smart and can tell when something is wrong, and instead of pretending that everything is ok, the couple should talk with them and leave aside the image of "divorce is bad".

My son is 2 years old, he doesn't know what "divorce" means, for him a divorce is gonna be something like: "My parents are not a couple, but they have a good relationship" Saying this I think that in the future when ever he sees a classic divorced couple (classic I mean the ones who don't talk to each other and when they do it they just fight) my son is gonna be so surprised, cause his dad and I didn't want him to grow up in such situation.

I'll call this a successful divorce, because what ever was the reason we separated, that shouldn't affect the relationship with our son.

Let me give you some tips in order to have a good divorce:

1. Don't complain with your ex when the kids area around
2. Don't call him every day and bug him about the money, if he doesn't want to give you child support, you can take this with a lawyer instead of screaming over the phone how careless he is. Don't waste energy.
3. He promised he is gonna visit and he doesn't show up? Don't call him to complain or don't complain next time you see him...if he doesn't show up within the first 30min of the scheduled time, just go out with your kid and have a good time, as long as he doesn't make this "promise of show up" to your kids everything should be fine.
4. When he is gonna pick up your kids, be cordial, you can even give him some tips such "Peter can't eat candies for today, he did this and that etc etc, I'll really appreciate if you don't give him candies for this day too"
5. Don't say awful things to your kids about his dad, if he is a jerk they will eventually find this out by themselves, and if he is not then you will look like the evil parent for saying such horrible things about their dad.
6. I know this is hard at start, but from time to time ask his opinion (cause he is the dad) related to things about your kid.

Some of your might already know I'm a divorced parent, but I don't have problems with my son's dad, whenever Ricardito needs something I know I can count on him. Eventually lil Richy will see this like "Yes my parents are not romantically together, but they are both fun and have a good friendship." And that's what really matters, let the kids be in a happy environment free of bad feelings.

 

His happiness is what really matters